7 Tips for Valentine’s Day After Loss

by Jane Duncan Rogers | Feb 11, 2022

The thought of never again receiving a Valentine’s Day card from my husband was heartbreaking. It was only ten weeks since he had died, and I was still raw with grief.  The very thought of Valentine’s Day just made me want to run away and hide.

Now, many years on, and it is all quite different. What I’ve discovered is that there are some things to pay attention to that really help and I’ve listed them below.

So if you are on your own, whether by choice or not, here are some suggestions to help you navigate Valentine’s Day.

Designate it a day of self-love

Decide that on the hour, every hour, you will remind yourself of how wonderful you are. Set your phone with a message that will pop up to affirm your beauty, your courage, your general gorgeousness.

Give yourself a gift

This could be the same kind of gift you have received in the past, or something completely different. It may cost a lot, or nothing at all, the amount simply does not matter. The love with which it is given to yourself does, so make sure it is something (or an experience) that you really will cherish.

Take yourself off into nature

Walking in the woods, by the sea, in the sand, or the water – all of these have healing properties simply by you being there. Let yourself open to the timeless wisdom of nature, let yourself open to the love that is expressed in the varying forms in the natural world. Go slow and appreciate your surroundings.

Choose to be with family and/or friends

Remind yourself that you are loved by these people. Make Valentine’s Day a day to celebrate ALL love between all people, not just romantic love.

Be creative

Let your inner child out to play with colors, shapes, glue, stickers, paper – whatever takes your fancy. Without deciding what you’re going to make, see what emerges. Let go and have fun!

Do something completely different

Make this day a day where you demonstrate love in a different way – either towards yourself or towards another. Forget about cards, romantic meals for two, focusing on the form – think instead of wacky experiences, unusual gifts (to yourself!) and letting joy be present.

Be kind to yourself

More than anything, whatever action (or non-action) you take, bring kindness to bear. Give to someone else – that can be one of the greatest acts of kindness to them, as well as to yourself.

Finally, make sure you put on your rose-tinted glasses first thing in the morning.
See everyone and everything around you through these, and you will find it much easier to focus on what you have got, rather than what you haven’t. The world looks wonderful through these glasses, I know because I look out through them all the time.

Photo by Wira Dyatmika

Jane Rogers is the author of the Before I Go Workbook. and founder of Before I Go Solutions, which is a UK-based social enterprise (aka not-for-profit).